I was reading the newspaper the other day and, wow, did a light bulb ever go off. I’m owed a gigantic check from The Man, you know, The Human with the super big bank account. I think they call it reparations. Why? Payback for thousands of years of humans taking unfair advantage of us canines. You know, working us like dogs for scraps of food, creating way too many types of us and stuff like that. It all started aboutRead more…
I’ve never been much for participating myself. I’d rather stand apart and be admired. You know, like from afar. It’s just simpler that way. A lot less messy. And, it’s worked really well for me, with all of my adoring fans and stuff. But, after Sidney told me all about that healthcare hodgepodge, I’ve changed my tune. That’s right. I’m whistling to the beat of a different drummer. From now on, call me Mr. Joiner. Why? Well, even though I’veRead more…
You and I and everyone else hear it all the time. Dogs are just furry little children. And we get baby-talked to death sometimes, as if we can’t understand the grown-up words spoken by our adult humans. Worse, scientists come out with studies on a regular basis comparing our intelligence level and skill sets to their drooling, diaper-wearing toddlers. Well, here’s something for their science books – dogs are not furry children. Children are actually furless dogs, except for thoseRead more…
Mom came home the other day talking about pet psychics. You know, humans who parlay with pets through mysterious airwaves. Nicole, the lady who grooms Mom, told her all about the time Nicole took her lab, Jada, to one of those extrasensory people. I guess Jada had been acting pretty strangely. Like, she was sensing a “presence” only she could detect. It was driving her crazy. Heavy panting. Tossing and turning. Constantly hiding behind Nicole. Fear etched all over theRead more…
Did you see those articles on the web the other day about a loss in Global Positioning System services next year? From the looks of it, we’re in trouble. The network of satellites that tells us where in the world we are is well on its way to partial collapse. The loss, sometime next year, will affect the military as well as us civilians, at least for a while. Good luck to the U.S. Air Force in getting that oneRead more…
Man, it’s tough to be a pig. Especially now, when the hot health button in the whole wide world is swine flu. From its name, you’d think that pigs are the big cause. But, as some Paris people pointed out the other day, the current disease shouldn’t have “swine” as part of its name. That’s because the flu also has bird and human viruses. I guess misnaming a disease doesn’t matter a whole lot to the pigs. They end upRead more…
