The trouble with cars

There’s only one thing to do with cars. Avoid them. This goes for cars of all shapes and sizes. Little cars, big cars, SUVs, station wagons – the entire species. Just stay away from them. At least if you’re a dog.

The trouble with cars is not the vehicles themselves. It’s where they take us. Let me tell you, those places are not good for dogs. We end up at the vet or the groomer too often for our own good.

I know that some dogs really love car rides – with their noses out the window and the wind flapping through their ears. But, I’m here to tell you, the momentary thrill of all those smells isn’t worth what’s waiting at the end of the ride. Take the vet for instance. I know old people really love going to the doctor but you’ll never catch an old dog standing in line for the vet. Ever.

And the groomer. Ours is Alpha Lori. Boy, does she ever have her way with us. Water, soap, nail clippers, tooth brushes, ear cleaners. The whole nine yards. She’s a great human, but water is a Shiba’s worst nightmare. We even jump over puddles. And the shower at home? Sidney calls it the enemy within.

Of course, if you read our Letters you will see frames with me in the bathroom, just getting out of the shower. But, that’s just because I really like that Esther Williams towel look.

Anyway, Mom did try taking me other places in the car. Like one time when I was much younger, we went to one of those warehouse-style home improvement places that let humans bring their dogs. Huge mistake. Huge.

I mean, those aisles – they’re so long they converge at the horizon. And the shelves – they end somewhere on the far side of forever. Jacob’s ladder would be envious. And so many people pushing those wire death traps overflowing with dangerous stuff from the shelves.

There was no way I could protect Mom from all of that. I was just a nervous wreck. So, we never went back, although I suspect she still goes there from time to time. But, we don’t speak of it.

So, that’s my tip. Just say no to cars.

See you in the mirror.