BLOGS FROM US^®

You and I and everyone else hear it all the time. Dogs are just furry little children. And we get baby-talked to death sometimes, as if we can’t understand the grown-up words spoken by our adult humans. Worse, scientists come out with studies on a regular basis comparing our intelligence level and skill sets to their drooling, diaper-wearing toddlers.

Well, here’s something for their science books – dogs are not furry children. Children are actually furless dogs, except for those mops on their heads. That’s right. Rug rats take after us, not the other way around. You doubt me? Just think about it for a second. Do you really think that I take my cue from a two-year old? You’ve got to be kidding me. I take all of my cues from me. What I want. What I’m going to do next to get a head, usually of Sidney, but sometimes of other things.

Plus, like, there weren’t any small humans in our house when I arrived on the scene. So, if I grab my sister’s toy away from her – which I do every day – it’s not because I learned it from an undersized version of Mom. It’s because I don’t want Sidney to have the toy. See, it’s about who’s in charge. You know, establishing the proper pack order. Ever vigilant and all that. It’s most definitely not about imitating a pablum eater.

But, despite how obviously wrong it is, every day brings more of the same old, same old. Just the other day a human scientist claimed that a dog’s understanding of human gestures tops out at the level of a two-year old human. Well, I don’t think so. Those tiny tots can’t begin to reach my lofty understanding of non-verbal human communication.

Like, when Mom points to a ball, I run over, pick it up and take it to her. No words are spoken, except for the high praise I get in the end, of course. Try that one with your pee-wee. I bet she won’t even realize that you’re pointing at the ball. She’ll probably think you’re pointing at the wall or the floor or someplace like that.

And, I have to tell you, children may follow our lead but they don’t make really great dogs. After all, how many toddlers have you seen herding sheep or pulling sleds across the frozen tundra?

So, from now on, just think of your kid as a furless wannabe me.

See you in the mirror.

I know the economy is bad and seems to be getting worse, not better. I know that you have your hands full just coping day to day. But, I have a plea to make to you on behalf of my brothers and sisters all across the country. From the bottom of my heart, please don’t leave us behind. What I mean is, please keep us in the family.

Many humans are placing their furry companions in shelters or even tying us to highway signs hoping that someone else will take care of us. Even pet euthanasia is being used to cut down on family expenses.

We understand tight economic circumstances. We really do. And we know you are trying to care for us in the best way that you can today. But, you are our family. Wherever you are is our home. We want to be there with you, offering you all the support and cheer that we have, and that’s a lot.

So, if you’re thinking about splitting up the family, we can help keep us all together. We know how to tighten our collars. We can eat macaroni and cheese, too. We can go without toys. Fetching sticks is just as good as chasing tennis balls to us. And we don’t need anything new. Old is great. In fact, old is better. Old has all of those good scents and comforting feelings that make our days so happy.

And through good times and bad, our loyalty never wavers. In fact, for us there aren’t any bad times if the family is together. We are happy to see you in the morning. Excited as we can be to greet you when you come home. Simply delighted to be with the family.

Of course, if we are ill and our care is too expensive, we understand being placed in a temporary foster home. Shelters can provide the healthcare that too often is beyond the reach of our families.

But, if we do have to be separated for a while, please make sure we are placed in a good shelter. We know you’ll be back to get us when things get better, and they will get better. We want to be there, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, when you come to reunite our family.

Thanks for listening. And thanks to all those families who manage to keep us all together each day.

See you on the left side.

Riley and I have one. A pet sitter. She isn’t really “ours”. But, she does stay with us when Mom’s away. We prefer to call our sitter by her name, Koni, since she doesn’t actually sit on us. She does take us for walks. She also plays with us in the backyard.

The three of us watch TV together, usually Animal Planet, which we all enjoy, or one of the geek channels, which are my personal favorites. And, of course, we sleep in the guest room with her. In fact, Mom keeps our old beds in there just for when Koni is staying over.

Don’t get me wrong. We love Koni and are very happy when she’s with us. She’s a human who really knows how to communicate with canines (although it must help that we speak English). But, why are there pet sitters? Why can’t we just be allowed to take care of ourselves when our humans are gone on overnighters?

After all, our kin in the wild do it all the time. Wolves don’t expect human intervention when the pack has to leave the pups for a while. Not that the whole pack ever leaves the pups, so maybe that’s not the best analogy. But, you get the idea. Wolves take care of themselves. Since we are still pretty close to our au naturel relatives, we can be independent, too.

Mom could just leave us a tank of water and put our kibble in a gravity feeder. Oh, wait, the feeder won’t work. I was the Omega dog in our litter and, for some reason, I still consume everything in sight. I guess old habits die hard. So, I really should be fed each day by a responsible human.

But, it never hurts to skip a meal now and then. And Riley and I could entertain ourselves by playing with our toys, studying and relaxing, pretty much like we do when Mom’s home. Uh, except for the part where he rips his stuff to shreds when he doesn’t get enough human adoration. Riley never touches Mom’s things but he can be a real terrier with his own. Attention from Mom or Koni or whomever has saved a lot of stuffed toys.

Then there’s the issue of dealing with the yard. It’s very difficult for Riley or me to use the scooper. Limited dexterity and all that. Oh, we can type on the keyboard, play video games, turn pages of books. Things like that. But, when it comes to gripping, we depend on the kindness of humans.

O.k., maybe we do need a pet sitter. But, let’s not dwell on it. Or let our wolf buddies know.

See you on the left side.

We have an article in This Week In Animal Welfare about pet travel accessories. And they do sound very nice. Too bad we can’t use them in a different way. Like just sitting in the car and pretending to travel. Because there’s no way that I’m going to willingly get into a vehicle and be driven anywhere for the fun of it.

I completely agree with one of Riley’s earlier blogs about cars. But, his article was pretty limited. He was just writing about visits to the vet, the groomer and other nearby places.

I’m talking about t-r-a-v-e-l. Driving long distances for yuks. To that I say, no way. It may be that 21% of all human companions take their dogs on travel with them. But, I fall into the 79% category. And I want to stay there. For life.

Here’s the deal. When Mom puts me in the back of the car and we pull out of the driveway, I have no idea if I will ever again gaze upon the sweet sight of home. And, I have no idea where we’re going. Is it really to someplace fun or just a long trip to the vet?

And those pet hotels. They’re clean and everything. No one hassles us. But, put yourself in my place. Your job is to protect your humans and you hear people walking up and down the corridors and even in the rooms next door. How do you think you’re going to react? Like everything is hunky-dory? I don’t think so. You’re going to be up all night. Constantly on guard to protect your family from the sources of all of those noises. You’re also going to bark to keep these threats at bay. Some fun. For you and yours and everyone else within shouting distance.

Actually, when it comes right down to it, the only place where I really have fun is at home. Home is where I first met my family, where my stuff is, where my job is. It’s the center of my entire universe and I love it that way. I thrive on predictability.

Don’t get me wrong. I live to be with my humans. And I don’t want to sound ungrateful because they go to a lot of trouble to include me in everything. I love them for that. But, when it comes to travel, just leave me at home with a nice pet sitter. I always have them trained in no time. It’s so much easier to be there with one of them than worried and always on patrol in foreign surroundings.

Oh, yeah, have a great trip.

See you on the left side. Right after you get back.